Everything it takes

I am a love fanatic. 

I like to hold his hand and it always feels like “too long” is the time that has passed since the last time I did it. 

I like to read a good romance novel and movie. Sometimes I’ll rent a romantic comedy to get in the mood of blushing. I like it. 

I love to see him smile. Any kind of smile from him is good. If I can make him laugh then I’m doing a good job. It’s just sparkling, like holding his hand.

I like to hear about real life stories too, though. I sometimes ask my friends how it is that their parents met. It always brings a smile to my face listening to the story of people who decided to take a shot at love.

I remember the first time he kissed me and I always try to remember the last time he did. I love his lips. I like our goodnight/goodbye kisses the most. 

I often wonder if I will have an interesting love story. The kind of story that someone could make a movie out of. The kind of romance that becomes unforgettable.

I could call it destiny, chance or luck, maybe causality. Any way, I feel very lucky to have found him, very lucky to have met him, very happy to share my life with him. 

Then of course, there are always the conflicts in any story. Fights, disagreements. Shouts, tears, anger. 

I hate fighting with him. I hate losing my mind and messing things up. I feel my worst when I did something wrong. The truth is, as soon as we start to fight is the time I want to make up. 

And of course, I know real love stories have an intrinsic structure of learning through mistakes and differences, and also through communication. This isn’t something you can wholly catch in the typical romantic comedy.

We’ve learned a lot. We’ve learned to communicate. I’ve learned not to hide anything from him. He is my best friend and the first person I think of when I have something interesting or important to talk about. We’re similar and we’re different, but I like it.

So even if I can’t have one of those golden romances, because I’m not a perfect woman myself and I’m not looking for a perfect guy either, what I do want to have is a happy love.

I love his care. I admire his strength. I admire his vision. I enjoy our conversations and our silences. I want to plan ahead for us a healthy life, a happy time.

I have seen couples so in love you would have thought they could last forever. Couples that don’t miss a chance to say “i love you”, couples that make their love story a public statement. They look so perfectly in love, seemingly lasting, of apparently unbreakable bonds. One day, you ask about them and you find out they are no longer together. Some cheating, some lie. Some loss of love, diverging paths.

We have had our ups and downs. We have been together almost three years. There are times when I thought it was better to break up, and we did. There were times I thought I was not good for him, or times when I thought he was not good for me. Tough times when I cried, because where else was I going to find someone like him? When? So I fought with my small fists against the dark spots and I saw that it only took a little more love to heal. I don’t use to tell him I love him, I just do. 

I constantly wonder. I don’t lose faith in having a good relationship, because I think I now know everything it takes.

I wonder if we’re going to last. I wonder if the love I feel for him or the love he feels for me will be enough to get through troubles, differences, new challenges. I worry about it. I can’t bear the idea of losing him.

One day I want to write my own story, of how two wonderful people met one day and each was of deep character. I will let the world know about my romance. That could well be part of my legacy to the world, I will give it racing hearts and blushing smiles.

He gives me a racing heart and I cannot wait until the next time he holds my hand.



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